No Matter What
by BlackAngel1
Summary: 2x4. He's forced to helplessly watch as his lover dies.


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from GW .  
  
_word_ = italics/thoughts  
  
No Matter What  
  
All I can remember is your heart piercing scream as the bullet meant for me ripped through you. I remember being so shocked that all I could do was stand there and watch Heero shoot the Oz soldier in the head. I thought it was rather nice of him to give the guy a painless death. Unlike you my love, he shot you through the chest and it hit one of your lungs.  
  
I remember Trowa had just reached you in time to catch you as you fell. Wufei hit me in the back and I woke from my daze. I fell beside you then held you as Trowa moved away. I held you in my arms as I put pressure on the wound but it was no use, the bullet had gone right through your beautiful body. The same body you had completely given to me for the first time. For your first time.  
  
I'll never forget your words to me just before we became one. Simple, almost playful words that had more meaning then I realized. "Be my first. Make love to me Duo, just in case." And I was, I did. You insisted that you were ready and I complied. I knew you were still scared but you told me that I had your complete trust. I'm sorry I caused your tears little one, I know that they were shed for a good cause but I can't help but feel guilty for causing such an intimate pain.  
  
You gave me a great gift, my little one. You gave me your innocence. The one thing that you had kept pure during this God awful war.  
  
As I held you little angel I could feel your life slipping away with each precious drop of the dark crimson jewels that coated your body and coated my hands and soaked my shirt and pants. The sound of your breathing was horrible but I would have listened for all eternity if only you lived.  
  
I wanted to gather every one of those life giving jewels and place them back into your body as I played the scene over and over in my mind. You were running before even Heero saw the soldier. You know he'd go after me, you knew! You knew what was going to happen to me and you jumped in the way, protecting me.  
  
Heero had called you a liability because you cared. At first I thought so too, but then I got to know you, then I grew to love you and the most wonderful thing happened to me. You loved me too. We had a short time, one of which I will forever remember and smile back on. But for now my little one, I am unable to smile for your memory fills me with pain.  
  
I remember looking into your beautiful eyes as you gasped for air. Although tears streamed from those blue-green orbs there was relief held in them. You took a lung full of air then wasted it on words that brought tears to my eyes. "Are you okay Duo?" Your soft voice asked, as if I had been the one shot.  
  
"I'm not hurt little one, but I'm not okay." I blinked my tears away. They gently fell against your pale face, mixing with your own.  
  
You said nothing back at first and I thought you were gone, that you had left me alone in this cruel world. But you blinked then coughed up blood, saving me from loneliness for a few more moments. I've been lonely before little one, everyone I cared about while growing up was taken from me, and now, you will be too.  
  
They're wrong you know. Death does not understand death, and I especially don't understand yours. Maybe God needed you more than I and was taking back his angel. Yes love, I know there is a God, I believe thanks to you.  
  
I remember looking down at your innocent face and seeing you smile one last time. Your lips they moved but nothing, not one sound came through. I read your lips though love, and I understood their meaning. I had smiled softly, though the tears did not stop falling. I kissed your soft lips one last time, tasting the bitter blood, your blood as it coated mine own lips, teeth and tongue.  
  
I knew this as goodbye, and as I watched you, hoping that you weren't afraid and didn't feel alone, that spark in your eyes slowly dimmed until finally it was no more. I looked up at the dark sky and hollered your name, many times I think. Finally, the others pushed me away and grabbed you in the process.  
  
Your funeral was nice, for the occasion, but how I longed for you by my side. All I felt was pain and confusion and numbness gripped at my mind. The service was over before it started and your body was finally put to rest.  
  
Now I am standing beside you. I've been for an hour or so. Everyone left after the service but I couldn't force myself to go. I am trying to remember your smile, trying to recall your laugh.  
  
There is a voice from behind me. I know it's Heero, Trowa and Wufei. They are saying that we should leave now because it's starting to rain.  
  
My love, I will not abandon you but for now I must leave. I feel two arms around me, gently hugging me. I close my eyes, picturing that Heero's arms are your own. The moment fades too quickly for me as I turn around and open my eyes. I gape as I find Heero with Trowa and Wufei already at the limo on the other side of the cemetery and I am standing alone. I turn back to your grave, new tears in my eyes remembering the last words you had said.  
  
I smile to myself as I wipe the tears away and look up at the clouded sky. I see a blue patch where I know you are watching me from. Then I say, "I love you forever too koi, no matter what."  
  
  
  
Dija like it? Review please!! 


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